flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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