I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
