I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
