he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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