Where are you?
In a non slutty way
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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