Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
