Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
