dude i'm inner monologue high
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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