Capitaan dildo arrescate!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
