omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
