In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
