I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
