I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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