I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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