I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
