Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
