I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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