I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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