You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
