Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
