the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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