I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
