He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
