Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
