I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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