So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
