We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
