so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
