not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
