I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
