remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
