i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
