I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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