I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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