dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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