If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
