My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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