Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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