Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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