I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
