I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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