Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
