You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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