I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
