Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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