True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
