please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
