so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As shirtless as possible
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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