There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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