so that wasnt chicken after all
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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