I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
