There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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