So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
