you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
