We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
