I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
