Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have post one night stand depression
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
