oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
