But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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